I haven’t read the New Yorker in years (since I left New Jersey) but these came across these two today and feel obliged to share. Not sure how long the links will be good for:
Vacation by the numbers March 6, 2007
Four days in Waikiki and one week in Kaua’i. Two 49.5 lbs bags checked. Two hour time change. One incredibly early morning wake up, one late night arrival home. Five flights (Seattle –> San Francisco –> Honolulu; Honolulu –> Kaua’i; Kaua’i –> San Francisco –> Seattle) with a three year old. Four sticker workbooks completed. One brave Monkey during the bouncy parts. One fourth-place win on the "guess when we pass the geographical midpoint between San Francisco and Honolulu" airplane game, garnering us One box of free chocolates. Two long waits at Thrifty car rental. One bedroom condo. One incredibly run down sofa bed (C didn’t complain though). Four bedroom house. One outdoor washer and dryer setup.
Three trips to beach (none of which involved swimming. C doesn’t even really like to get her feet wet). One beach closed to swimming due to drift wood contamination. One whale watching catamaran trip. One new pair of tiny pink crocs. One lu’au, which involved One slightly embarrassed G going onstage and dancing the hula–swing those hips boy! One nineteen mile drive up Waimea canyon. 174 steps and a hike up Diamond Head Crater. Three mornings of diving (including two leaf-shaped scorpion fish, two frog fish, one baby shark, countless turtles, eels, and butterfly fish). One monk seal on beach. One zoo trip, one aquarium trip (with one baby chambered nautilus), three playground visits. Two big skinned knees on little C. One train ride through the Dole plantation. Two naps in lap (one at aquarium, one on whale watching cruise).
One Cold Stone trip (the love it size is really too big) and one Lappert’s ice cream trip. One shave ice. 15 cappuccinos (some days had two). One mai tai, one margarita, two lava flows, two pina coladas (not all in one night). Two bowls of homemade guacamole. One fabulous meal in Po’ipu at Roy’s. One quite good seafood pre-fixe in Waikiki. One taro burger at vegetarian natural foods restaurant. Three United Air snack packs. One McDonald’s meal hurriedly eaten right before unexpected Second dept. of agriculture check at plane gate. No Junior mints found on the islands.
One station that played all the hits from the 70s, 80s, and today. Two books read (The Big Over Easy and Little Women [for book club]). Two movies watched (Swingers and 40 year old Virgin). About 1000 pictures taken with new camera. One bottle of SPF 50 spray on sunscreen used. One back sunburn (me) and one major nose sunburn (G). Two new shirts, one cheap hat, and one pair of replacement sunglasses purchased (me), one dress, one Ocean reef book, one bracelet (C), one hat, one turtle print button down shirt (G).