Jaded Optimist

Mothering, making, and generally blathering on

My own brand of weirdness August 6, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — bonniep @ 11:42 pm
I am a short term planner–for the short term, I really like to have a plan. I like routine (Tuesdays are library day! Wednesdays we go to the Farmer’s Market! Mondays I do the lower body workouts from 10 minute solution Pilates on the ball and 10 minute solution tighten and tone pilates, etc. etc.) I like having vacations planned months in advance. I would rather have a bad plan than no plan at all…and a change to the plan makes me break out in a sweat even if the change is for the better. (G would be laughing now, or maybe crying…if he read the blog.)

So, decision making can be tough for me, because I really don’t like to change the plan later, so the decision has to be the right one the first time. But, and this is too bad, I also have a tendency to overestimate my capabilities. Witness countless dinner and party plans that had me up at midnight making pastry crust, or screaming at G "it is 12:03 and I need to be chopping basil from 12:01 to 12:04 and there is no freaking basil!" That type of thing. I have the feeling that if I just try harder and am more perfect, then there really will be 26 (or 40) hours in the day.

Sigh. Can you say controlling first born??

In the past few days a plan that I was holding onto became obviously wrong. Obvious to people around me, obvious to G, but not really obvious to me. So we talked at length last night, and came to a decision, and this morning I double checked that that was really the decision (poor, incredulous G who thought deciding once would be enough!) and I just feel sick about it. (Although that might be the shameful number of Junior Mints ingested tonight.) The plan had some points that were unresolved, which I was studiously ignoring because there was no good resolution and acknowledging that would have meant that the plan wasn’t going to work…but it was the plan! (I know, you are thinking that you never, ever want to go on vacation with me. The plus is that I panic about finding rental houses and such and get those details all worked out and solidified early…and I make excel spreadsheets to exactly divide all the costs of a group vacation…I’m not helping my case am I?)

I know that once I have made and settled into the new plan, I will be ok–because there will be a plan. That’s how I ended up ok with and even excited about things like up and moving to Seattle from Boston, or having a second kid. But this between plan part really really stressed me out.

Funny for the day…in the car with C we listen to "her music"–right now, Elizabeth Mitchell’s You are My Sunshine. The one verse contains "when I woke up I was mistaken please don’t take my sunshine from me." C pipes up–"Do you know why she was mistaking mommy? Because the sunshine belongs to everybody!"


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